The original idea was to do another* road trip in US. Perhaps do a west coast drive, from San Diego to Vancouver. But in a lot of ways, that felt like reading the same book, only this time in a different room. I wanted something new, something exciting, something big. So I continued to shuffle different variables in my head. Big words like budget, work, radio** and timing where floating around in my brain. I was trying to go as big as possible. And as the idea got bigger, I saw myself having to cut more and more strings. I couldn't have anything holding me back. This is the big time now! And once I worked out all the high level details, it all slippery slopped into a trip around the world.
The two most common questions I get asked when I tell people about this trip are "How do you feel?" and "What made you do this?" Although these two questions are completely detached and unrelated, I find it difficult to come up with a simple and honest response to either one. I never realized how difficult it is to explain how I feel and why I do the things I do. But I'm going to attempt to do just that and hopefully have it paint a clear reflection on what I consider to be a simple and honest answer to both of these questions.
"How do you feel?" Hmm, every time I hear that question, I find myself void of any specific feeling. In my attempt to not sound like Khomeini***, I simply respond "I think the scope and magnitude of what I'm doing hasn't really settled in yet, but I'm sure once I'm on the plane and looking down as it flies over Vancouver it'll dawn on me. And then I'll probably be excited and perhaps slightly terrified." For better or for worse, I usually don't form any specific feeling for what I consider to be unknown. I find that my feelings are based on experiences(... and sometimes personal prejudices). If you were to ask me "How do you feel about visiting Paris?" I can tell you "Oh I'm excited about the food and all the beautiful architecture, but not looking forward to getting yelled at by random French assholes!" But when it comes to "How do you feel about going around the world?"
... I've never done it, have no idea what it's going to be like and I have no feelings about it.
"What made you do this?" I get this question from people who kind of know me more. and when they ask it, I sense a little glimmer in their eyes waiting diligently for the respond, as if they have already made their own assumptions and are more interested to see if they were right. Contrary to what those assumptions usually are, the reason behind this, for the most part is based on logic. The main reason why I did this was because for the first time I had the means to do it. One of the things I've come to accept from life is that things change, and they change quickly and without warning. Right now I have the money, I'm not too deeply involved in my career, I don't have a hefty mortgage to pay and most importantly perhaps, I don't have a family. All the major lights to get this up and going are green. That being said, to have your head wonder in such escape like territories, there are always emotional elements.
Close to the end of 2010, I went through a pretty rough transition. Within a scope of two weeks a few people who were very important to me left my life... (To be continued..)
*Anyone who slightly knows me has probably heard about my Miami to New York road-trip back in 2009, if not, remind me to take you out for a beer and tell you all about it.
** During the same, I was in the process of getting a radio show in Calgary. However that's a whole 'nother beast on its own.
***In 1979, as the Iranian revolution was coming to an end and Ayatollah Khomeini was coming back to Iran from exile: he was asked "How do you feel about coming back to Iran." He responded "I feel nothing"
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